THE LAMEST GENERATION
ok i just came up with this great idea. a few of my nephews friends came up with this website, myspace.com. its a real cool site where you can put information about yourself down and all your cool ideas and music that you like and then you can just click on some
other people on the site and become their friends. kinda like a fraternity, except more assholes. anyway in this fraternity of even more assholes, we get to share things that we like and tell the world how great we are and how this generation
is soo much better then the others because we are gonna beat the corporate machine at their own game and stuff. got me so far. we re soo far ahead with our gadgets and ipods and we think far quicker then our gen x comrades.
well it seems
like these two guys who came up with this site sold it for like thousands and thousands of dollars. and they dont have to work any more. this site is a lot like youtube which is people sending in their non pornographic jerkoff videos. its
real cool and really brings people together. mostly critics. and pedophiles. but priests are people too. anyway these guys who made youtube have truly revolutionized the internets and have really stuck it to the corporate monkeys. well it
seems like they sold it to the corporate monkeys, and hey, now the jokes on them i guess. well, here's my idea, sshhh, keep it a secret.
"fool people with a website to change the world and feed people, and help people, then sell it to masss media make a fortune and leave." whaddya
we'll put together this great diverse network of people "who think they are about to embark on a worldchanging event' and then pull the wool over their eyes just before any real difference can bge made. i know plenty of people who ll be interested if we just start making
kinda like when the advertisers didnt come up with any more commercial ideas so they had the Lamest Generation think that they actually had a say in how they were going to be manipulated and had contests on who would make the best commercial for a product. well the lamest
gerneation came out in full force and were like sure we can get famous, rich and be on tv at the same time. so off they went to make those commercials for nike, and coca cola and doritos, and made at least a couple thou. while the old lazy advertisers who came up with the idea of having
the Lamest Generation do their work for them kept their jobs for another few months. so instead, we have people come up with ways of feeding the world; or creating a clean african water supply to give water to the entire continent; or how to tell the difference between an evil doer
and a christian.
keep this a secret. the website on the internets will be about making people care about other people. it s bound to kick off soon, that idea hasn't yet. and we ll try to put together a march on Washinton, well at least Washington, NJ, We'll
try to establish laws to get people more involved in the world around them. like making it mandatory for 18 to 21 year olds to join the military for a year or join the peace corps, or a habitat for humanity group, or some other liberal commie
non profit do gooder thing.after a few generations it ll just seem normal for american' s to serve in this capacity, so the me me ers (like me) won't feel soo "why do i have to do this" ish.
and we ll recruit like john mayer to sing his "waiting on the world to change" song.
it's a perfect song for this idea cause it tell s people dont be active in your roles in govt and community, just wait, things will fuck up on their own whether it affects you or not, and even if it does affect you, wait, and wait and wait.
it ll eventually change. maybe even for the worse, who knows. just drink your vitamin water and live a long life and maybe adopt a brown kid when you feel guilty enough about how much you have. (remind me to take that song out of our setlist.)
speaking of change, once i swallowed a quarter and i couldnt poop it out for a couple weeks. then, lo and behold, i pooped out two dimes and a nickel. the human body is truly amazing. i think i have a commerce bank in my rectum. anywho.
the one thing is, I get to be the grand poobah
of this whole operation. dont worry its not a pyramid scheme thing, it is my idea, and my idea needs support from the masses to gett big. then we'll divey out the moneys when they come. have faith in the poobah, meahmeah.
and dont worry when the corportations buy us out for how many millions, we ll let THEM deal with the problems of changing the world. it won't be in our hands or our responsibilty anymore. remember, it's not 'money' that makes the world go round, its
'ideas about making money' that makes the world go round.
you can tell that to that donny deutch guy. meah meah, a little idea can make you millions. well there's my two cents. take it or leave it. shut up and sing you commie bastid.
the one thing about the Lamest Generation is that they have learned from the american way. which is "The
people who really try to change the way things are get assassinated, (john, martin, bobby, lennon)" so just sit on your asses and wait for the world to change, while i count mine out from
Well, our beautiful state has once again picked a new slogan to attract mass murderers from all over the world. "New jersey, come see for yourself." It sure leaves the door open to interpretation. It more or less sounds like a girls gone wild slogan more then
a welcome mat for a state. So let’s go down the list of the slogans that failed to be nominated, shall we. One funny one I heard was a comedian who said “Pennsylvania’s motto is, YOU GOT A FRIEND IN PENNSYLVANIA, and now New Jerseys
is YO, YOU GOT A FRIEND IN PENNSYLVANIA.
NEW JERSEY SLOGANS
New Jersey: Keep driving through
New Jersey: if you found bones in your garage, we don’t want to know about it.
New jersey: If you are still living here, you are probably stuck here.
New Jersey: Birthplace of Big Hair, and the Mullet.
New Jersey: Where the Sopranos is reality tv.
New Jersey: BUILD BUILD BUILD and TAX then BUILD more
New Jersey: The only place where six toes is kinda normal.
New Jersey : If you’re not a landscaper or a cop, you’re not making any money and you
New Jersey: That’s not gunfire, it’s cinco de mayo
New Jersey: We get the best drugs
New Jersey: You’re gonna need a lawyer
New Jersey: If you don’t make more then 400 a week, you're fucked.
New Jersey: Birthplace of Bruce, Bon foni, Sinatra, and Uncle Floyd.
New Jersey: When feeling homesick, stick your head between your ass cheeks and take a whiff
New Jersey: If you want to piss people off more, move down to the shore.
Please email me with more slogans………
well its three in the morning and im listening to the dead and its been 2 years since my last journal entry. i know, you're saying just get to the friggin point im reading this cause my life is hopeless. i get it dont worry. hunter
thompson just killed himself today showing everyone what a stupid ass he really is. now all his college aged hipsters who just started reading his pointless garb (knowing full well that what im writing is pointless garb by the way and he more or less invented this kind
of writing) now know the secret to a drug ridden life; selfish asphyixiation. by the way if you want to see the true hunter thomspson movie its where the buffalo roam and not that thing that came out a few years back where johnny depp did a great impersonation of bill murray
doing hunter thompson. belmar has just commisioned me to write the official song to the st. patricks day parade. a few titles i have soo far include:
1. great, like i need another reason to get plastered
2. if you cant get laid today you are a loser
3. the benifit for my new liver
4. thats not green beer, i just pissed in that
5. the only day in belmar its ILLEGAL to drink in the streets
6. kill the arabs and take their oil (oh no, that was something else.)
7. bland food and black beer
8. its ok to be a terrorist if you are white (IRA)
9. 100,000 people my ass (what they usually say is at the parade)
10. kiss me im ugly
ok that was mean i love my alma mater of country origin. its gonna be a real cool summer hopefully and i hope all will come out and not buy us as many shots cause im sick of the hangovers.
also a new cd is in the works of about 10 songs and should be out by summer thanks everyone
well we started at morans this wednesday and it was a good showing. someone mentioned that we should do an orangutan ass night. so next week is our FIRST ANNUAL ORANGUTAN ASS NIGHT in case you are wondering , why is an orangutan ass so important to make a night out of. well lets just
say DINGLEBERRY LAIDEN ASS NIGHT had been done before to not a lot of success. so all of you who have red hair or a red hair on their butt, or eat small ants off of each others backs (it's always good to look at what you are eating before you actually do it), this is the night for you.
first we will line up all the asses. please wipe before coming to the bar, and don't eat at johnny rockets unless you can control your colon. second we will check the asses for true orangutan stench (whoever wants to volunteer for this job give me a call). third, now this is just thrown
in as a fun part of the event, we will pop all zits on butts, all butt zit juice will be poured into a shot glass and drank by Mr. or Mrs. ORANGUTANG ASS. fourth, we will vote on pinkness and scabbiness of butt. fifth, we will have a charlton heston acting contest on who can say "get your hands off me you damn dirty ape" the
best, with rifle in hand of course. our winners will be given a Dr ZEUS trophy for ORANGUTANG ASS of the year award. so we will see you next wednesday at Morans in hoboken for this gala event.
its summer for a day here in beautiful belmar by the shore. there are two mice under my oven in stickey traps i have caught but cant find my way to throwing them out. they are squeeling like ned beatty on a hot summer afternoon. dont worry ill put them in the garbage soon. somehow i think we have more respect for little critters then we do each other. save the animals, jesus, what a farce that is. lets try ourselves fikrst right ok enough. so summer is coming and i dont know what kind of guidos will be living next
door. will they be cool guidos or will they be douches. or somewhere in the middle. somehwere in the middle is still pretty bad though. cool guidos are still pretty bad. as for the gigs everything is booked just aobut we just booked some weekends at the parker house. so that doesnt suck. we have some pat roddy band t shirts coming
out too, no shit, and they are pretty funny, pretty gay but pretty funny.(not to say that funny isnt ok). jeff put them together, he's not gay, but i will wear them, and i am gay. someone is reading this and saying, i knew he was gay. if
someone is reading this thats pretty far fetched anyway. ok so looking forward to summer and my new hairpiece coming in the mail. since i have curly hair, i went to a doctor and he said "look, we have this new thing we do. we take your pubes if you are curly haired, mostly from your but, so your girlfriend wont notice. and we clone the pubes to form a wig. then we nail it to your head. the good news is that
your ass pubes will never fall out of your head. the bad news is you may have dingleberries in your scalp." so i got that going for me. ok i hear the mice calling and my dog is teasing them. i'll see all 4 of you soon. hooray hooray the liberation of iraq is at hand.
Well our first annual garage party weekend has come to a finale and it was a great success. i pulled a hamstring and then i pulled my penis. Really though jeff put together a great weekend for everyone involved for those of us who actually like some of our friends from school we had a great time i have to say the bongs were nowhere to be found though and i hope that will change in the future yazdan's
friend was a real ass though but at least the friend could admit it.
i had the honor of going 0 for 5 in the first game then turning around to bat lefty and belting a few hits to right after i noticed i really couldn't hit anymore after my mvp season as a senior at st. rose my neighbors are moving out this
weekend this morning i got up at 6 they stopped partying at 5 yelling at the top of their lungs yeaaahhhhhhhh whoooooooooo to almost nothing so i got up put my speakers out at their windows which really is about 2 inches from their home
and had my p.a. system on and at 6 a m i started the rant of my life i started to whisper gently guidos guidos and then a little louder guidos guidos and i heard some movement meanwhile i had my amplification up toe 11 by now and screamed in their windows with my speaker which hold
about 1,00o watts. i'm mad as hell and i cant take these guidos anymore."
then some of them started coming out of their front room with gazed looks upon their face and then i screamed "i am THE LORD THY GOD YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE NAY OTHER GODS BEFORE ME" and they got down on their knees and paid their respects to their unknown god. then i got a casio
and made up some songs with some obvious rhythms and they really did think i was a god. waving their arms violently and gyrating their hips and date raping their girlfriends i was starting to be a real normal guido then i made it stop i
on the other hand was now on the toilet making farting noises with my anus trying to get a perfect pitch fart that would send them into an ecstasy ridden stinkfest.
i went to sleep and they left and September came and life was good.
its three in the morning and im not wearing pants well that is true actually but its ben a great summer for the band we've played all over the tri county area and imbibed many a beer just got back from cleveland to see bruce and he is still great then again i saw three shows in one week that's insane i know and im taking a break from bruce for a while anyway saw the who and they were outrageous even without the ox let's try and go over some of the best moments of THE SUMMER OF 2002
- my dog was shedding for aobut two months and it finally stopped
- the guidos next door are moving out in about 2 weeks no more waking up to find a huge guido on my porch talking to his girlfriend (oh this doesn't happen in your neighborhoods) and by guido i mean someone with no IQ
- the guidos next door are moving out, oh i did that one
- my hair is only receding according to how much rain we are getting this
summer which isnt too bad eh
- running off the stage at the columns to take a poop
- having a man do a backflip on his ass on the dancefloor no poop involved
- falling asleep in the back yard of mary dunnes go away party and i didnt
even get a chance to say goodbye
- every night at oneils in hoboken good time had by all i hope
- playing with and wathcing the gin blossoms at oneils, no poop involved
- seeing the bloody fucking who at the garden
- eating hairpie
- picking pubes out of my teeth
- gagging like a cat
- going back
- many a night at the bruisers and of course being the last to leave
- number 15 has nothing to do with numbers 11 thourgh 14
- playing me and julio for the 10,000th time
- getting verbally abused by my therapist
- having a penis reduction
- THE GUIDOS ARE LEAVING THE GUIDOS ARE LEAVING, poop involved
We are soo excited this week 'cause we found out we are finally gonna play the Garden. Jack scmidt, concert promoter from Shore Line Promotions has finally booked us into the Garden and thinks we might be able to sell it out 3 or 4 times! Which is great news to me cause I never knew how many of y'all were out there. But It does seem like there are quite a few. Kennedy Apparel will be handling our distribution of t shirts, calendars, evening wear, vibrators, etc. we have picked a few trinkets of our own which
will be on the tour merchandise list:
- a talking penis which sings "when irish eyes are smiling" when inserted.
- a party doll of a catholic bishop singing "I touch myself" in latin
- t shirts which say "I see dumb people"
so far we have sold about 27 tickets to the Garden shows. (clue) call ticketmaster out of state is you want good seats to our show. The phone lines won't be busy out of state. I talked to verizon and they said they are experiencing high call volume, higher then usual, I just didn't want to tell them who was calling, didn't want to get mushy with the lady and stuff. We have set ticket prices at $2.50 for each show.
$4.00 for the first 20 rows. With the ticketmaster charges each ticket will be $14.75, $16.25 for the first 20 rows. There is a 1000 ticket limit we set for each person wanting tickets, so as to let others who haven't seen our band get a chance. This may be a farewell tour, but I think after this tour we might just want to take a long needed time off. On this tour we'll be opening for the Jersey City Dog Show and Kangaroo Convention, held each year at the Garden. Thanks to all who have supported us
over the years and we'll see you at Hoboken Gardens.
ROCK AND FUCKIN ROLL
I'm forcing myself to write now. My alter ego, we'll call him jeff, keeps screaming in my ear, "Update your journal! Your throngs of fans need to know the latest with your fascinating life!" So I went to my gynecologist, did I spell that right? She's a real funny lady. I go in her office and she asks me to take off my pants, I look at her with a bemused look on my face, and say, "You
No actually I said, "What are you talking about, I'm here for my dog." She laughs and says that's what she thought since I was humping her leg. So I take my dog to a gyno, is that wrong? She's a gal and I don't trust vets. I never understood why someone would go to school to
be a gyno doc, except for all pervs out there.
St. Patty's day has come and gone. I thought from the first day of the two week barhop that things were going to be dandy. It was about 1 o'clock and I walked into Patrick's pub ready to play to hundreds of FAKE Irish people who think
that terrorism is bad, except for the IRA. Or so they thought ever since george w said we were going to go after all the terrorists. Then they said, ok we didn't even know what was going on over there anyway, it's not like they were murdering harmless people for land. Why land, who needs
it, how about being ok with yourself first. Listen, I'm American and not Irish. Fuck the Irish. With a big potato. Their culture is being ruined by themselves. They have the great idea that American capitalism is great and let's build and build and build until our culture becomes extinct.
Wow, did I just say that (must win back back Irish fans quickly). I really love the Irish! I just get mad at these imbeciles who think they are Irish when they couldn't (nor could I) name a friggin president of the country.
Anyway, the show started good, right away this girl was flashing everyone, seems that "girls gone wild" was in the room, and everyone was having a uproariously good time. UNTIL I crapped my pants
damn breakfast burritos.
Having a hard time being humorous tonight. I need some pot or something. Star Sailor just played on zack. They were good. Almost sounded like they were lip-syncing. That would suck. This guy Zack looks like that old Philadelphia sports guy Howard Eskin. I think its his kid. Maybe it's that other guy had a big show. The one who had hamsters up his butt, from Philly. Jerry Penacoli or something? Maybe this guy zach outdid him or something and put like a rat up there, or a canoe. Seems that's all
you got to do now to be famous. I know someone who has one of those plastic canoes up there. One of the Bruisers, actually. Guess which one. Maybe if I stick it up my ass ill get famous. I bet I do. I'll be dead. But I'll be famous. Ok. That's it guys. All three of you.
I know this one was lame. But that'll just make the next one soo much better, you watch. p.s. Don't email me if you are offended by my Irish remarks. I hardly know anyone who is truly Irish. Does anyone forget they didn't exactly help us in WWII? I'm digging a hole here. It's like I make a living off this stuff, but bash it. Wow.
Tough day today. A friend of mine from college, his dad died and I had to go to the funeral. His dad had overdosed on Viagra. Suicide it seems. He thought it was Tylenol pm. But it wasn't. Anyway, the story is, as grim as it seems, that his dad took these pills and was found in the corner with the
cat squashed below him. Both the cat and the dad are dead. The cats ass though was burning red. Anyway, the father's wake was yesterday and they couldn't get the casket closed because of the Viagra, his father had the misfortune of being very well hung. Seems that Viagara even works in the afterlife. Anyway they put a bouquet of flowers over his privates and everything went very nice.
Seriously though. I have a question for all. All 6 of you who will read this including jeff and myself. Does anyone give a shit anymore. Have any faith in anything anymore, stick up for anything you believe anymore? C'mon, it's all about self-gratification and only when a person gets hurt themselves,
do they start to empathize or see what the fuck is going on. Jesus y'know no one believes in shit anymore, whatever is new and hip and whoever says that this is what you should do. Yeah brainless mindless shit. It's soo obvious that young kids now are soo against everything they tell the marketers what doesn't fool them anymore. Kids are soo smart to this too. And regular smegs like us still are being anesthetized to the world. That's what's happened. We're all anesthetized to it all. Don't want to feel... just get
me my tv, my beer, my porn... breathe the fucking air people.
THIS IS JUST AN EXPERIMENT. The last 40 years is an experiment, and we fail. Get it? We are nothing but worthless genetic freeloaders on the road of life. We're all hitchhiking man. No one but the leaders are driving the car, and you think they have a clue. Nope. They have a clue about what they think should happen. How come there is no dialogue anymore about anything? No one disagrees with what is going on I guess, huh? Everyone agrees with everything. Well that's the most wrong thing going. When everyone agrees,
that's when you know you are wrong. Then again I may just be talking about myself right now. ha. But y'know, I know most people think like this. But we just laugh it off. No more passion, it's gone with everyone. The only passionate people are the ones who want to kill and die, not the ones who want to live. We'll be at the porch tomorrow.
See you there
my clock doesn't work in my room, so i have to guess what time i wake up in the morning by looking at the sun. actually not the morning, the mid afternoon. when the sun hits my face in a strange way, then it's time to try to get up. or, when my dog whines uncontrollably because she's holding a bagful of pee in her bladder, ready to drop it off in my dining room. so today was one of those days. sunny got off the bed, walked around the room aimlessly, and
whined until i brought her out. i headed to the door with my linus blanket on, trying to hide my privates when i put my dog on the chain, the blankey did flip open for a second, and one of the neighbors had a polaroid and snapped a piculture of my crotch, it's now on www.myneighborspenisinthemorning.com so you can see the turtle itself.
i jumped back into bed and fell to sleep for about 10 minutes having my dogs barking calm me to sleep. When the barking stopped, i knew there was something wrong and i peeked out the window and sunny had gotten away from her chain, because i was supposed to buy her a new chain a year ago because it sucks and she runs away giving me the finger now. laughing in a way only a dog could. so i threw some pants on, no socks, bedhead, and ran around the neighborhood like kramer having to take a poop running though central
park, trying to catch my dog, laughing, laughing..... i checked in the back yard of this guy who has a bunch of dogs that bark all day and all night but sunny wasn't there. i finally found her, naked, being exploited by my neighbor with picture taking polaroids of my dogs bottom on www.myneighborsdogsvagina.com. now i'm typing this nonsense and getting ready for my gig at the boathouse. - roddy